"Whenever I feel happy, I get scared. Because I know, something will make me unhappy again very soon." So much for optimisim.

I can almost relate to this feeling of "happy despair". Somehow, that's how I feel most of the times. It's as if I'm not supposed to feel too happy for fear that the sadness which follows would engulf my entire being and rob all traces of joy in me.

I guess you can liken it to Pavlov's Classical Conditioning Theory. If every happy event is followed by a miserable one, in time to come, one will be conditioned to believe that there would be a depressing occurrence each time one experiences bliss.

Totally warped isn't it?

There's one other thing about this concept called happiness. one day, someone suddenly made a philosophical statement.

He said, "You cannot pursue or seek happiness. What one usually does is to go after things that will make them happy.

So, what you call happiness is getting what you want, achievement or success, becoming noble, getting anything that you want. As long as you want something and you can get it, you feel perfectly happy; you are not frustrated, but if you cannot get what you want, then unhappiness begins."

"Happiness is like a cloud. If you stare at it long enough, it evaporates."
- Sarah McLachlan